Beauty or Stink

Okay, it is finally time for another post. Before I write about the scripture for the day, I have to admit that my scripture study has decreased to simply "scripture reading" on most days lately. It makes a big difference in what I think about during the day. It is much harder to ponder on anything of significance when I just quickly read through a chapter or so without actually paying attention to what I am reading. Getting up early helps me a lot with that because I can read before the boys require my attention. It is really hard for me to get up when it is freezing cold in our house (I know it is not as cold at Utah, but our house is still too cold) and still dark outside. I guess that is part of what obedience and sacrifice are about. Regardless of when I read, it's time for me to start studying again, so hopefully you'll see a few more posts.

When I got to the Isaiah chapters I started using "The Book of Mormon Made Easier" again to gain a better understanding of what the scriptures meant. It gave me some new insight into 2 Ne 13. This is not about any one woman in particular, but instead describes what happens when not only the men become wicked, but the women do also. I had previously wondered if some of the "tinkling ornaments, cauls, roud tires like the moon, chains, bracelets, mufflers, rings, changeable suits of apparel", etc, were "bad" because of this chapter.

Here's what I learned: These women were haughty, walked with stretched forth necks (proud), and wanton eyes (lustful). They wanted people to notice them. The next verses describe those things that these women had come to value and love more than righteousness. The Lord takes these things away from these women. He is not taking away just their jewelry, but is taking away those things that had come to represent high status in their materialistic society. The list of things they wore represented high fashion, arrogance, sexual immorality and materialism in their day. Verse 24 describes the results of their wickedness which includes slave-like conditions and a lack of beauty (more likely due to wickedness than the rags that they wore).

As I considered what this meant, I had a few questions come to mind. Here are a few of them:
Is it okay to wear jewelry and make-up and get "done-up"?
Why do I want to wear jewelry and make-up? Do these things equate to beauty?
What does what I wear say about what I value?
What is beauty really?

I came to a few conclusions which are applicable to me and NOT necessarily everyone. The insights are personal, but they gave me a lot to think about and work on....probably for a very long time. First I don't feel that jewelry, make-up, and certain clothes are inherently bad. For myself I remember plenty of times when I wanted to or felt like I should wear more make-up or cuter clothes and jewelry. Over the past few weeks, I've come to realize that to a degree these things are viewed by society as a way to encourage women to be "more beautiful", to "be sexier", be more accepted, or whatever.

I'm not very good at explaining what I mean, but for me I recognized that I personally feel more comfortable with minimal make-up and simple jewelry. Just enough makes me feel feminine, but does not cause me to focus on myself unless I begin to worry about how others view me. When I focus on my appearance and these things I do think subconsciously and sometimes consciously I am trying to look "good" for others. When I find myself beginning to value or place too much emphasis on my looks (good or bad), it is much harder for me to believe in my divine nature.

Although I would still like to change much about my appearance, I am beginning to recognize that if I could it would not really change my beauty. I've always thought I believed fairly strongly that beauty comes from within, but I think I only believed that in regards to others. I see the light of the gospel in many women and see beauty. I have never considered myself beautiful and I think that is because without knowing it, I had placed value in the things and ideas that the world describes as beautiful.

Do you see why this is going to take a long, long time to change my thought process and beliefs? I don't think there is anything wrong with making ourselves attractive for our spouses and ourselves, but this chapter taught me that I need to consider my subconscious and conscious motives behind the clothes and other things that I use to try to make myself "more beautiful." What do I value and how do I find true beauty? Lots of work/pondering to do....