There hasn't been much mention specific to women in my reading lately. Of course, all of it relates to us or at least to those women who were living during those times. But that is not what I want to blog about. As many of you know, Ethan has been quite the challenge for us over the past year. This is definitely not all his fault. Our situation was stressful and hard.
Anyway, we've been working hard on figuring out how to best discipline him and teach him good behaviors. Really, I don't know how to explain what it is we want, because he has a strong personality that I don't want to change. I just want to teach him to love those things that are good and I want him to want to choose good. Does that make sense?
I want him to see the "grand picture" as much as his 3-year-old mind can understand. I want him to know that we care about him even though we sometimes get a little "burned out" with his constant need for interaction. I really don't know how to explain it. After reading the 5 Love Languages (or whatever that book is called) I was thinking about Ethan's need for quality time...and how at his age it is also quantity of time. I decided to try something new at night to make him feel like I really am listening and care. After the usual bedtime routine, I lay down on his bed and ask his what his least favorite and most favorite things about today were. Then I tell him about all of the fun things we did together and what my favorite thing (with him) was that day.
It has been fun and he looks forward to it every night. For some reason the other night I felt like I should ask him if he thinks he's a good boy. This is one of those sad parenting moments. He looked up at me with his big tearful eyes (you can picture this). His face was looking to see what I thought and expressed doubt about believing he is a good boy. Then he shook his head.
My heart broke and I was on the verge of tears as I told Dustin about it. Now at night, I've been telling Ethan that he is good boy, a smart boy, a funny boy, etc...whatever it is that I want him to know and believe, but I always include that he is a good boy. When I last asked Ethan if he thinks he is a good boy, he kind of smiled and hid behind his blanket. I still have some work to do.
I guess I kind of feel an impression that it is so important for him to know this now. These first years of life are a time when children are so impressionable. If Ethan continued to doubt whether or not he is a good boy, I can imagine it will be harder in the future to make good choices. If he believes he is a good boy, then it seems like maybe during times of decision later in life he might remember that. Also, he might know that we believe it and that we know he'll choose the right. Hopefully these little statements of truth at bedtime will strengthen him enough to begin to understand his worth and potential.
...just some thoughts on parenting my child.
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